"Why Do You Care?"

I had a completely different topic prepared for this week, and I apologize for my patron who asked for that topic. The topic was supposed to be on how chronically ill people relate to the media and use it as an escape buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttt . . .

. . . someone asked me a question that really got me going, so I decided to post on that. I may still get that other post done this week. If not, it will for sure be the post for next week! My apologies!

On a topic pretty different from this one, I got into an argument with a person and they asked me, "Why do you care?" To them, I fit into the perfect demographic where I wouldn't have to worry about what the topic was about. Why should I care, then, about people who are apparent outliers from the perfect demographic?

Why should anyone care, if it doesn't apply to them?

What an arrogant question! To think that you are the only group of people to matter, that your experiences are the only ones that matter because the struggles of other people don't apply to you! That right there is privilege in action.

I'm not here to go into Privilege as a topic, but I want to talk about how people should care, or at least why *I* care, about the topic of chronic illness. Even if it doesn't apply to you.

My Story
While I have always had food allergies and have a lengthy history of getting ill from common viruses, and have had asthma since high school, growing up I was still mostly able. I couldn't keep up with the more athletic people, but I still did fairly well for myself. In college, especially, my health was really great. I was eating right, exercising, and actually getting a decent amount of sleep regularly. I am a fiercely independent person and love being able to take care of myself and my affairs.

When I got home from college, I single-handedly took over cooking dinner and cleaning for my entire family.

Then I went on a mission for the church I belong too. While it was an amazing experience, it also killed my health. Arthritis and gall bladder failure have made a mess of my body. For the last three and a half years, I have no longer been "able."

I won't bore you with all the details of my illness, but I will say that it has been an incredibly eye-opening experience.

Illness can strike anytime, anywhere.

Your life can change in a month, in a day, in a moment.

There are some things in life that you can't work harder to overcome.

Even doing everything right for your body, your body can still fail on you.

Placing blame does nobody any good when it comes to chronic illnesses.

Chronic illness doesn't just affect you.

When you or someone close to you gets chronically ill, it changes a lot of things. I came home from my mission only able to do the most basic things. Everything made me hurt or made me ill. "Taking care of" myself did nothing to alleviate my systems. It took months for them to diagnose my symptoms correctly, and my body became so messed up that I'm still not recovered.

It affected my family. My mom had to cover all of my expenses. I couldn't work, I couldn't go to school, I could barely drive (many days, I couldn't drive at all). Light stresses tanked me.

It affected my relationships. I couldn't go on dates. Living in perpetual brain fog made it difficult to reply to my friends and keep relationships going. I always had to cancel plans because I ended up being too ill to go after all. People stopped asking me to join them because they figured they were just bothering me. I was so, so lonely.

It affects my marriage. Not many people would have been brave enough to marry someone with chronic illness. My husband is a gem for taking on the entirety of the financial burden of being married to me, as well as taking the emotional and physical burden of taking care of someone chronically ill.

Being chronically ill isn't a one-person problem. It involves a lot of people. You probably know several people who are chronically ill, but if you tell people that that doesn't concern you, then they aren't going to be open with you about their illness. They will stay silent to protect themselves from you.

And the kicker?

Chronic illness can hit anyone. ANYONE.

I was eating healthy, exercising, sleeping well and long at night, and generally taking pretty good care of myself. That didn't stop me from having arthritis and my gall bladder failing, both of which I have a genetic disposition for. That didn't stop me from suffering from extreme fatigue so bad that I couldn't move or speak some days.

THAT is why I care. People can't always control the trials that come to them. People don't always get to live the perfect life expected of a certain demographic.

Hardships can happen to anyone, and that deserves compassion. One person can struggle with something fundamentally easy for someone else, and that deserves compassion. Someone can go from the top of the world to the bottom of a ditch in a moment, and that deserves compassion.

But even without all of that, you don't need to experience something for yourself to be considerate of other people. Empathy is a real thing, a good thing, and something that we need more of. Just because you don't experience something, and you might never experience that thing, doesn't mean that you can't be understanding and compassionate anyway. We are all people. We all struggle on this Mother Earth. Other peoples' problems might not be your problems, but that doesn't automatically make them less real than yours.

It hurts zero people to care, even if it gives you no personal benefits. It only helps people when you show understanding for where they're coming from.

So don't question why someone cares. It's enough that they DO care, even if it "has nothing to do with them." The world needs more compassion, not less. The world needs more understanding, not ignorance.

I care because I can.

Cheers~

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